should Christians Call themselves Gay? Tiresome Questions, Trite Answers, Or Thoughtfully Pondered Responses?

“Certainly, “said the old woman, placing one foot slowly after the other, “you must have gotten tired of your own questions?”

“Actually,” said Jacob, turning to look for a moment at the path behind him, “it was my answers that I found most tiresome.” ~ Jacob’s Journey by Noah BenShea

Thoughtfully True or Thoughtlessly Trite?

I thought of this passage recently as I struggled with some of my own questions and wondered if the answers are often more complex than I have ever considered. While I do believe there are absolute truths, many questions, and therefore the answers, are not as simple as I once thought. So, like Jacob, it is ‘my answers that I have found most tiresome’ and often trite and platitudinous.

One question that I have found myself wrestling with lately is regarding Christian identity. Should our identity as a believer in the gospel of Christ be always and only and solely Christian?

As Paul says in Colossians 3:5-11, “Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him, where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all.”

In this passage, Paul calls us to ‘put to death’ the sin nature which is common to all of us because we must admit that there is certainly something in the list above of which we are guilty. Paul goes on to say we have ‘put on’ a new man or a new identity in Christ which eliminates all previous identities. He continues in verse 12-15 to remind us of the qualities of Christ that we are to ‘put on’ including love “which is the bond of perfection.”

And again, in Galatians 3:26-29 Paul reminds us of the gospel that we are saved by grace through faith and that our identity is in Christ and not in our ethnicity or gender, “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. And if ye be Christ’s, then are ye Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

Of course, we must keep in mind that these scriptures – particularly Galatians 3:28 – are also referring to ethnic and social prejudices as well as our identity in Christ. So, does this mean we are to cast off all other identities and lay no claim to our humanity? If we look at the scriptures above, clearly, we are a new creation in Christ, and this is our identity. And yet, while we walk in human bodies on this earth, we still live in our humanity and as simple as it may seem to deny our humanity, we all still at times claim a human identity. We often identify as either a man or woman and we may occasionally identify ourselves according to our ethnicity. Sometimes we identify ourselves based on our occupation or our experiences.

Although we may have accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior and believe we are a new creation in Christ, while we live in human bodies, we all still experience both the neutral and sinful aspects of our humanity. As Paul states in Romans chapter 7:25, “…So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.”

So, the question remains, are there times when we can or should acknowledge our humanity along with our new identity in Christ? Or as Christians should we always and ever and only claim Christian as our sole identity? Or is it possible, like many things, the answer is both/and rather than either/or?

Human Identities

I find that there are times in my life in which I am asked to identify myself according to the neutral aspects of my identity. (i.e., I am white. I am a woman.) And there have also been times in which I have found it helpful to both me and others to identify myself according to my sinful human nature. (i.e., I have been and often still am self-righteous, and prideful, a liar, and a gossip. I am broken). I have found that most often my heart is both sanctified and being sanctified (Hebrews 10:14), that I along with Paul can say, “not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.” Philippians 3:12. So I have found that while I have a new nature in Christ and that while I am sanctified in him, I am still an imperfect human. It seems we are both a new creation in Christ and while we live in the flesh, we still maintain the neutral and sinful aspects of our humanity.

So, are there times when it is appropriate for Christians to admit to and identity with our humanity as well as our Christianity? And if this is true, is it ever appropriate for a Christian to identify as a gay or same sex attracted or any other identity?

There are those in the Christian community that feel this is hypocritical and that a ‘real’ Christian would not identify as gay and therefore to claim a gay identity disqualifies a person as a Christian. I know this sounds a bit harsh, but this belief is still widespread among many in the Christian community – even if it is no longer widely voiced. Although there are many LGBTQ+ Christians (Side B Christians) who believe in marriage as a union between a biological male and a biological female and any sex outside this covenant relationship of marriage is sinful, their theology seems to make little difference to those who feel a Christian simply cannot hold to a gay identity. I think there is often a misconception regarding what is meant by the word gay – particularly among baby boomers and gen X.

Controversial or Hypocritical Standards?

It is here that I pause and ask if this argument (that a ‘real’ Christian would not claim a gay or other identity) is itself not hypocritical? Of course, the argument would be a legitimate argument if the claim to no other identity other than Christian is consistent. This would include all other aspects of our humanity including the ‘neutral’ aspects of our humanity (race or gender) as well as sinful aspects of our humanity (alcoholic, addict or terms such as broken).

I know this is a controversial topic and in the past few years there have been many articles written on this subject. Some claim it can be extremely detrimental to LGBTQ+ people to be told they must deny their sexual orientation before they can truly live as a Christian. Others feel that Christians who experience same sex attractions should consider it a sin to identify as gay. (We’re not talking about the act of sex between persons of the same gender but simply identifying as same sex attracted.) Some conservative Christian writers openly admit to same sex attraction and identify as gay. Other prominent conservative Christian publications seek to encourage those in the church to develop loving relationships with LGBTQ Christians, to listen empathically, and to encourage respectful and congenial dialogue. Although this last article suggests that the purpose of this dialogue is to eventually encourage against gay self-identification, I think the article is thoughtfully written and mutually respectful dialogue is a great place to start learning from each other.

Christian First

Recently, in a discussion on whether Christians should use the adjective gay or any other LGBTQ+ adjective, the point was made that as Christ followers, Christian should be the primary adjective and should never follow another. Thus, the term ‘gay Christian’ might be consciously or unconsciously elevating the status of one’s sexual identity above the spiritual identity of Christian. I thought this argument was well thought out effort to elevate Christianity above all other identities. Although I must add that the young man who made this argument went on to say that if he was asked, he would say that he was a Christian who was gay. To clarify and avoid offense, there are many who would rather him say he was a Christian who experienced same sex attraction, but for most people, these two statements have the same meaning.

But should this young man and others like him admit to their same sex attractions? Should they consider their sexual orientation part of their identity? Or should their same-sex attraction be something they either deny or keep to themselves? It certainly makes others in the Christian community more comfortable. But is it harmful or unhelpful to obscure those things that are inherent to our nature? Are there times when it is appropriate to share those temptations and sins that we may battle daily whether those desires are lustful, covetous, untruthful, or self-exalting? I’m not talking about broadcasting to any and everyone our sins, desires, or those things inherent to our nature – whether they are considered our sense of being or a besetting sin – but neither am I talking about hiding or concealing those things. If sanctification is both an individual and a communal journey, who do we include in our Christian community and are there some who are to be excluded?

Considering the Question

So, whether you are immediately offended when you hear the term gay Christian and emphatically disagree with that terminology, or whether you openly embrace the term, I’m wondering if we should all carefully consider the question, “Should Christians call themselves gay?” Do we hold a double standard regarding terminology used by Christians? Should any of us use any other terminology or adjectives beside that of Christian?

Wherever we find ourselves on the spectrum -side A, side B, conservative, or nothing at all, maybe we should ask ourselves if ‘we’ve gotten tired of our own questions’ or if we’ve truly considered the question. And if we really pause to consider the question, perhaps we will find it is ‘our answers that we have found tiresome’ or trite and platitudinous.