Unintended Discouragement
Not long ago I received a link to a video that featured young people whose lives had been changed by prayer and community, and as a result, they chose to walk away from a gay lifestyle, and their sexual orientation was changed; they were no longer same-sex attracted. As I closed the video, I knew the gesture was well intended, and I did not doubt that the lives of those in the video may have been completely changed and their sexual orientation completely reversed by the power of prayer. I believe God has the power to do that.
However, rather than receiving encouragement from the video and passing it along to my son as a message of encouragement to him, I was deeply hurt, and it left me struggling with discouragement. This was certainly not the message I wanted to send to my son. My heart breaks for the struggles and the suffering he has endured, and I admire how he has continued to cling to his faith. I did not want to discourage him.
Wrestling with Heartache and Finding Comfort
As I sat in silence in the dark of the morning and wrestled with my feelings, I asked, “Lord, why am I so hurt by a message intended to bring hope?”
Suddenly I realized the unintended message that I received with the video is that complete ‘healing’ is always and unequivocally God’s will and plan for all who are same-sex attracted. This is to insinuate that we can change our circumstances if only we pray hard enough, have enough faith, or simply make a different choice. It also insinuates that if ‘healing’ or change doesn’t happen; if our prayers are not answered in the way we hoped; if we are unable by the force of our will to change ourselves completely; then God is not with us, His blessings are not upon us, and our sins are not forgiven and still separate us from Him.
Sitting there in the dark, my eyes brimming with tears, I felt the peace of God’s presence there with me and His comfort enveloped me like a warm blanket. I knew in that moment that even when our prayers are not answered in the ways that we hope and even when we cannot by the force of our own will completely change ourselves, He has not left us.
Anger and Understanding
But while I sat there, finding comfort for my heartache in the presence of the God I love, I also found myself struggling with anger towards the one who sent the video and towards all others who wield these spiritual daggers. And it was here that I found myself praying for forgiveness and asking for understanding and grace.
I thought of the story of a blind man who was healed by Jesus. “Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in Him.” (John 9:1-3)
Like us, the disciples wanted to know why the man suffered. If it was the result of something he did or didn’t do or something his parents did or didn’t do, then there was a way to avoid suffering the same fate. It is human nature to want to know what we need to do, and what choices we need to make to avoid suffering. And when we see others who are suffering, we want to be able to attribute their suffering to their bad choices so that we can be reassured that we won’t suffer anything comparable.
Simplistic and Unsympathetic Answers
At the least, this is unthoughtful, and it ignores the complexity of the human condition. It leaves no space for those whose lives haven’t been changed. Although the struggle to reconcile faith and same-sex attraction is very different than the struggle to reconcile our faith and the suffering that comes with death or other losses, in my experience, the response from others is often similar. And I must admit that I too have been guilty of offering the same simplistic and unsympathetic response.
We want simple answers because we want to protect ourselves. We want to believe that if we say all the right prayers or do all the right things, suffering won’t happen to us. But if we read the Bible, we must admit there are no simple answers to suffering. Sometimes suffering comes from the hand of our soul’s enemy as in the book of Job. Sometimes God allows suffering or the testing of our faith to mature us (James 1:2-4). Sometimes suffering is a result of our sins or the sins of others against us, and sometimes it is simply part of living in a fallen world. (Ecclesiastes 9:2)
However, the cause is somewhat irrelevant. Trying to find the cause or the cure prevents us from walking through difficult things with others, and it hinders our compassion. It hinders our ability to fulfill the greatest commandment – to love our neighbor.
Love Your Neighbor
In Matthew 22:34 – 40, one of the Pharisees who was a lawyer asked Jesus, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment, and the second is like it, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
I love what George Mason says about this passage in his sermon, Inseparable. This sermon is included in his book, The Word Made Fresh and was the focal point of a recent Sunday morning Bible study lesson. Although I was reading the book, I had not yet arrived at that chapter, but I have since read it more than once. In this sermon, George Mason wrote, “But the real force of Jesus’ words in this passage is the way he adds the love your neighbor as yourself commandment to the love God commandment. “The second is like it” means, I think, that the love your neighbor part isn’t optional or disposable or secondary; it’s inseparable from the love God part. The greatest commandment is singular but twofold: love God and love neighbor…. Jesus is saying you can’t truly love God if you are not truly loving your neighbor.”
Our Neighbors in God's Kingdom
I am reminded of the parable of the wedding feast that is recorded at the beginning of Matthew chapter 22 and in Luke 14:15-24. Matthew says the ‘good and bad’ were gathered to the feast, and Luke writes that the ‘poor and the maimed and the lame and the blind’ were all brought to the feast, in other words; those who were different, those who were imperfect, and those who were suffering were all invited to the feast.
This is a picture of God’s kingdom, and these are our neighbors; these are the people we are called to love. But we can’t love our neighbor if we are afraid of his pain, or his differences, or his disability, or his social status, or his illness, or his addiction. We can’t love our neighbor if we think our good deeds have elevated us to a better status or our right choices have protected us from such misfortunes. Our neighbor is both the man who was beaten and robbed and the ‘socially unclean’ Samaritan. (Luke 10:25-37)
Loving Well
I want to learn to love well. I don’t want to be the elder brother standing outside the banquet, I don’t want to be so busy with my good deeds that I dismiss the invitation to the great supper. I want to be at the front of the line shouting and clapping and marching offbeat like those in Mrs. Turpin’s vision in Flannery O’Connor’s short story ‘Revelation’ included in the book Everything That Rises Must Converge. I want to be like Jesus who sat in the Synagogue and at the table with tax collectors and those of lesser reputations.
Loving isn’t always easy; it doesn’t come with easy answers. And I still don’t do this well. Sometimes loving our neighbor is praying for his healing, praying for change, and praying for deliverance. And sometimes it is simply sitting in the ashes and grieving with a friend and not hurrying that process. Sometimes it is simply loving those who are different or disabled and encouraging them in their walk with God. Sometimes it is giving of our time and resources to help those who are poor and disadvantaged.
Whatever it is, my prayer today is, “Lord, help us to do this better. Help us, help me, to love better. Help me to love well.”
I love you and your insights. ❤️
Thanks Sheri!