Words that Lingered
A few weeks ago, I was privileged to facilitate a discussion in Sunday School on chapter twenty-three of Fredrick Buechner’s book, Secrets in the Dark, A Life in Sermons. The chapter was titled ‘Faith and Fiction,’ and Fredrick Buechner begins this chapter by writing about three events that, as he describes them, were random and perhaps minor events that can happen to anyone, but they were events that had an extraordinary impact on him and seemed to be a momentary revelation from God.
Every sentence in this chapter seemed to sing to me. I could relate to every word, every metaphor, and every poetic phrase. But the two words that have remained in my mind are these: pay attention. Buechner writes, “Day by day, year by year, your own story unfolds, your life’s story. …Maybe it is all utterly meaningless. Maybe it is all unutterably meaningful. If you want to know which, pay attention.”
As those words anchored themselves in my thoughts, I have found myself pondering those moments in my life that have caught my attention—particularly those things that bring me joy—not the delight of temporary pleasures, but profound joy in ordinary events that catch my breath and leave me momentarily breathless with awe. As Buechner points out, these events are not necessarily remarkable because they are rare; in fact, he writes, “Things like that happen every day to everybody….They mean absolutely nothing. Or things like that are momentary glimpses into a Mystery of such depth, power, and beauty that if we were to see it head-on, we would be annihilated.”
As I thought about those extraordinary moments in my life, I knew facilitating that message had been one of them. It seemed remarkable that the circumstances of my life would fall in such a way that I would be at that church, in that class, with those people, at that time, and be offered that opportunity. I had so much fun I was giddy with delight! I talked about the things I loved most: books, stories, and faith. It caught my attention.
Ordinary but Extraordinary Events
A week later, I was looking for an audiobook among the hundreds in my Audible account when I stumbled across one I hadn’t heard: The Story of With: A Better Way to Live, Love, and Create by Allen Arnold. I purchased the book a few months earlier and lost interest before listening to it. So, more out of boredom than interest, I started the book.
As I listened, I was again reminded of Buechner’s words. The book was an allegory, and within the story, I heard the message: pay attention and notice those people, places, and events that delight your soul. These are the signposts for your journey. The book was written to encourage those of us whose paths may be a little off the beaten road, and perhaps in some way or another, that is all of us. But I found it particularly encouraging since I feel my life may be coming to a crossroads. In the upcoming months and years, I will probably make decisions that will impact the remaining years – hopefully, decades – of my life. While several things in the book caught my attention, the circumstances that led me to listen to that particular book at that time also caught my attention.
Then, I went to Dallas to meet an amazing woman doing incredible work in a nonprofit ministry she founded called Sisters of Grace. In a conversation with her neighbor, she and I shared the extraordinary circumstances of how we met in an online writing group, and the neighbor commented, “God does indeed work in mysterious ways if we just pay attention.” And there were those exact words again – pay attention.
Signposts for the Journey
I don’t know about you, but as I struggle with decisions, I want clear signposts that say, “You’re on the right track. This is the way to a happy and fulfilled life. This is the door to your dreams—open here.” I often wonder if I’ve spent so much of my life trying to gather the courage to do what I long to do that I have missed the opportunity to do it. Once or twice, I have taken a giant leap of faith and stepped onto roads that didn’t promise security or success, and looking back, those have been some of the best seasons in my life. But I have missed opportunities more often, choosing a more solid path instead of the less traveled road that beaconed me. I have chosen paths that promised security instead of paths that required faith.
But unlike Frost’s famous poem, “As way leads on to way,” I think I have circled back to the place, or perhaps a similar place, where two roads diverge once more. And I must wonder if there is indeed a purpose and a plan to all my wanderings. Maybe you, too, have found yourself in a familiar place, and you wonder if you’ve circled back to that diverging road, or perhaps you’re at a crossroad, and neither direction looks familiar, and you think you’ve lost your way.
Perhaps, like me, you’re wondering if you – if I – dare to take the less traveled path. Do we even know how to do that? What is the next step? This is where I think Frederick Buechner, Allen Arnold, and many others are standing up before us, holding that signpost and saying, “Pay attention to where your heart is calling you. Pay attention – close attention – to what delights you.” Allen Arnold puts it this way, “We must go WITH God.” We can’t enter the blue door to the homeland we long for without Him. Frederick Buechner writes, “Men and women of faith know they are strangers and exiles on the earth because somehow and somewhere along the line, they have been given a glimpse of home.”
Finding Ourselves in God's Presence
In the movie Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell says, “I believe God made me for a purpose – but He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.” It is not known whether Liddell actually said those words, but it is known that he repeatedly said, “God made me for China.” I think running may have been where Liddell felt God’s presence, and I feel certain that He acutely felt God’s presence in China. He followed his heart, his desire, and his delight to China. It wasn’t an easy journey – he died there – but he felt it was his journey to take.
Our decisions usually aren’t simple or straightforward; most of the time, there are no signposts, but those places where we acutely feel God’s presence, those paths that bring delight and pleasure despite their difficulties simply because we feel Him wooing us there, those are the paths that are ours to take. In those places, we hear Him say, “Come unto me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matt 11:28 NIV) We can only step through that magical door that leads to our most authentic selves when we walk through it – in faith – with God.
Finding the Way
I think if, like me, you are looking for direction and trying to decide what to do next, what we are looking for is how to be our truest selves on a journey that doesn’t end here. We think we’re looking for direction to determine our next job or home, but we are pilgrims searching for a homeland we once knew and the one who knows our truest hearts. And, as I’m looking for a flashing signpost saying, “Go this way,” I don’t want to miss the man standing in the road saying, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. I know your truest self – the one for which you seek, and it is only found in me.”
As I pause to live fully in this moment on a late summer evening in mid-August and listen to crickets sing and birds chatter as the bright rays of the setting sun shoot out across the horizon, casting long shadows and turning a field of dry grass into gold, I pause and pay attention. I ask myself, what is in this moment that brings delight to the point of tears? The answer is not simple. It is beauty, place, and peace that stir memories of both past beauty in this place of quiet peace and a longing for another place my heart knows but my eyes haven’t yet seen. And suddenly, I know that the peace in this moment is presence. It is the presence of God that I have felt in other moments like this one. So, as my life moves forward, instead of looking for direction on which way to go, I am praying that I will be ever attuned to His presence, knowing He is the way.